Choose Your Weapon Wisely
by Dubbers
Summary: Gwen gets the wrong end of several sticks in a potentially disastrous situation. Not really any pairings, and no intentional, if any, bashing. Gwen, Ianto, John and Jack.


**Summary: Gwen gets the wrong end of several sticks in a potentially disastrous situation.**

**AN: Not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing (literally).  
**

**Choose Your Weapon Wisely  
**

Gwen came up from the cells, having checked on their current inhabitants. She was just making her way towards the autopsy bay when she heard voices. She stopped; one of those voices definitely shouldn't be there. She put her back against the wall, took out her gun, and listened; weighing up the situation.

"Put the gun away John." Ianto's voice came floating around the corner.

"Are you kidding me? And let you have the upper hand? Never." That voice was definitely Captain John Hart – no question about it.

Gwen cursed; she hadn't been imagining things. She pushed the speed dial on her phone for Jack, hung up after one ring, and turned her profile to silent. If she didn't answer when Jack called, he'd know something was wrong, track her to the Hub and hopefully help out.

"You've got no trousers on." Ianto stated calmly, in the tone he used when trying not to provoke a bad reaction in a dangerous situation.

"So?" replied John.

"Nothing..." Ianto said after a bit. There was another pause; Gwen assumed he was assessing the situation. "Bit small isn't it?" Her eyes widened. _Did he...?_

John sounded outraged. "I'll have you know this is the finest piece of equipment there is in the 51st century!"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Jack's is more...impressive." Gwen swallowed, listening intently. _Were they...?_

"Jack's is old! An antique. Don't get me wrong, Jack's is good: it looks good, feels good, and fires well. He once killed a man with it five miles away."

Gwen furrowed her brow._ They couldn't be talking about..._

"Really? I didn't think he was _that_ good."

"Probably out of practice. All your backwards rules and regulations keeping a man from-"

"Those laws are for our protection." Ianto paused. "Mostly."

"If your government was so keen on protecting you there'd be a law against Jack taking his weapon out in public."

"There was, but the police got so fed up with arresting him, and then having to let him go. They all hate him and the paperwork's a nightmare, so they gave up."

"Oh..."

An awkward silence descended, and Gwen's phone chose that moment to go off.

Gwen cursed as the phone buzzed – what was the point of a silent option if it wasn't exactly silent? Figuring her cover was already blown she quickly answered and dashed around another corner.

"Jack? Where are you? We're got a situation here!"

"_Gwen? What's going on? Where are you?"_

"I'm in the Hub! John's here with Ianto and they're...umm...talking about...err..." Gwen took a deep breath. "I think Ianto's in danger."

"_Gwen, I'm in my office...I know John's here; Ianto and I rescued him from being mauled by an alien dog last night. I can see them now; Ianto's fine." _There was a pause. "_Are you alright Gwen?"_

Gwen blinked, hung up, and walked around the corner.

John and Ianto looked up from where they were standing next to Owen's desk, examining something in one of John's hands. She frowned as he smirked.

"Finally! And here I thought you'd be hiding around that corner all night." He slowly shook his head in mock disappointment. Gwen continued to frown and slowly walked closer.

"What's that?"

"This?" John held out the small black thing in the centre of the palm. "It's my deadly weapon."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I still prefer Jack's."

"Well, _you_ would."

Gwen peered closer, unable to believe what she was seeing: John was holding what looked like an advanced earth gun – the same basic shape and style of their standard weapons; the only problem was, it was tiny – about five centimetres long by one across.

She looked up at him disbelievingly. "And it works?"

"Oh yes; I would demonstrate but Jack won't let me – says he likes the place without a giant crater in the wall. Shame really; you could do with redecorating."

"How do you-?"

"Fire it? Modified trigger and something to do with responding to electrical impulses in the brain."

Ianto looked over, eyebrow raised. "You have no idea, do you?"

"Of course not; where would be the fun in that?"

"Staying alive might be an added benefit."

"You're no fun."

Ianto sighed and moved to the other side of the desk as Jack bounded out of his office towards Gwen.

"What's the problem? You sounded panicked."

Gwen stared for a minute. "Oh no, no problem." She smiled widely to cover up her embarrassment. "Just a little misunderstanding."

The three men all raised their eyebrows. Jack tilted his head.

"What did you think they were talking about?"

Gwen bit her lip and tried not to blush. "Nothing, nothing at all." She quickly turned away and headed off towards her own desk.

She didn't see the three men behind her share a knowing glance.

**~Fin**

**Reviews/concrit much appreciated :)**

**Thanks for reading!  
**


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